I don't control the universe.

So begins a note I have made for myself and taped to my desk. My new desk. In my new office. For my new pastoral gig. Just over a month ago I was called to a church for my first solo position. It's exciting. And terrifying. And sometimes just regular--which helps my head not explode when it's exciting and terrifying. 

It's a great church. Really. I am falling in love with these people (as if it hasn't happened already and I'm just trying to think I'm taking it slow.) They already have great ministry in place, they are healthy, they are eager...and still, as with every church there are a few things that can be tweaked. Things they are hoping for, dreaming of and wanting. Those and other things I think would be perfect for ministry. And then I remember it's not my ministry. It's our ministry. And thus the importance for my note to myself. 

Because it really isn't about me. I don't have to control the universe. And thank God for that. It's about this amazing God we worship and how somehow when we all get together with purpose in our hearts we can do beautiful things in the world. We're full of hope and joy and...anticipation. It's as if advent began weeks ago instead of just now. 


We're clearly in our honeymoon of ministry, these folks and I. And yet, we're also laying groundwork for our future relationships and ministry together. I remind myself that I am here for the long haul, this is not a layover in my life until I get to the place I've been trying to get to for years. This is it. The real deal. And it's awesome. And I feel a bit giddy at times. But, then sometimes I think, "oh no. This is FOR REAL."

It's not like if I make a misstep it's all over, I think they are a pretty grace-filled bunch. But, I'm not sure I'm that grace-filled for myself. I tend to want to control what I do pretty tightly. I don't typically put that expectation on others, that's a small little gift I generously give myself.

Thus the note. 

The ever important, breathe, listen, advice from and for myself. The advice that is a chorus of a thousand other ministers. The advice that says, in a hundred ways, and yet in only a few words, that I've got this. Not that I can control everything so that I'm comfortable. But that I can remember, when it's important, that I don't. And I can be okay with that. Because that's ministry--all of us--breathing and listening together.