En pointe

Monday is no longer an average Monday in my house. It has been re-named “Dance Day.” It’s an important distinction on my four-year-old daughter’s social calendar. She has identified herself as a  

ballerina and says that ‘twirling’ is her favorite thing to do.  (Really, she’s adorable. I’m sure you agree.)

Anna watching the older girls en pointe class.

This past week the en pointe class was practicing in the classroom next to hers and from where I was sitting I could see their practice quite clearly. I began to wonder if each of them understands how strong she is and that because of her strength she is beautiful.

In all of their pre-teen/early-teen awkwardness they are strong. They are beautiful. They are amazing. They are empowered to be and do whatever they can dream of being or doing. Not just because they can dance on their toes, which in itself is pretty impressive, but because they simply are who they are.

Our culture places a high emphasis on beauty, but not beauty as strength, as empowerment, as a joyful expression of beings created by God.  

Instead, beauty is often defined as a sexual object to another and further defined by others standards ABOUT us.

There’s nothing wrong about identifying with one’s sexuality and understanding that is a core component of who we are as human beings. But one’s sexuality and being a sexual object are light years apart in understanding.

I wonder, I HOPE, these girls see their beauty as so much more than that.

They are strong, they can do amazing things with their bodies because of their perseverance and discipline. I hope they see their strength as something that gives them the confidence that they are indeed beautiful because of who they are, not because of what someone else puts upon them.

We are inundated with images of beauty ALL THE TIME.

Women can post nude pictures of themselves to their Instagram account and call it empowerment all they want, but I believe real empowerment is when we achieve something with our mind or our bodies that we didn’t know we could. It’s when we reach beyond what we’ve been told we are able to accomplish as girls or women and claim that strength for ourselves.

It’s not just these girls who are beautiful.

    

My beautifully strong sister-in-law,
Aunie. An inspiration to
girls everywhere

I want my daughter, and all the other mother’s daughters, to see themselves as beautiful. Because they are. Because there are no limits to beauty.

In a culture that sacrifices girls every single day to the gods of skinniness and male fantasy, I want them to understand and know how much MORE they are.

In a culture that tells girls that they must conform to any specific body standard to be beautiful, I want them to know their own strength.

In a culture that teaches women to look in the mirror and see flaws that must be fixed by any product in order to be beautiful, I want all women and girls to instead accept THAT THEY ARE NOT flawed.

They are lovely as they are.

I posed a question of strength and beauty to several women friends on Facebook, and their answers were as lovely as they were diverse. Several spoke of beauty in terms of strength of character and strength of faith. Others spoke of being able to claim their abilities and talents and being true to oneself as authentic beauty. 

But one in particular struck a chord with me as I was pondering my influence on my daughter’s perception of her beauty. “I'd like to hope that when it comes down to it, I don't have to tell my daughter anything about this. That she sees strength and beauty demonstrated by me as I saw it demonstrated by my mother.”

I realize that for my daughter to see herself as beautiful I must claim my own beauty for myself. It does no good for me to bemoan the culture I live in, or preach the intrinsic beauty of each girl and woman, if I cannot truly say the same for myself and embrace who I am.

It’s not narcissism. It’s truth. God made me. I have value. I have strength. I am beautiful. And so are you.

The Beautifulist & Sexiest...

Let's not talk about how many selfies I took to get just one...

What will make my year better, improve my quality of life, give me the ‘me’ of my dreams? Nothing really. I already have all that at my fingertips. What I want for my next year has nothing to do with treadmills, my favorite food group (sugar, sugar and more sugar), the size of my jeans or the way I clean my house (as if!)

I ALREADY have the life I want. And, let me tell ya, it’s the best life I could dream of—really. I ALREADY like who I am. What I want is to REMEMBER that I actually like that woman, not frantically work to invent a new one. So, instead of resolutions that, let’s be honest, I won’t keep anyway, I’m going to remember a few things about myself and my life…

1.    To see my beauty through the eyes of those who love me. My daughter thinks that I’m “the beautifulist Mommy in the whole wide world.” And she means it. She’s three and we all know that three year olds only utter the most utmost truth. With lots of volume. She grasps my face in both of her hands, looks me right in the eye, and with love pouring out of her proclaims “YOU ARE THE BEAUTIFULIST MOMMY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.” I’ll take it, and claim it as my own vision of myself. And remember that I am loved, wholly, by my children.

And, after almost 19 years, three kids, lots of jean sizes, great days and not-so-great days, my husband STILL likes to lean down over my shoulder and tell me how sexy he thinks I am. Seriously. SEXY. Me. Unbelievable. Except, it must be true because I can see he believes it, and he wants me to know he believes it. There are lots of ways that I can make this part hilarious, or cringe worthy, or totally inappropriate so I’ll just stop by saying he still likes to pat my bottom when I go up the stairs. Every day of the week. And that’s cool. Because to have a husband who still thinks I’m sexy is worth more than anything anyone’s ever said to me.

2.     Live more in the moment. Tasks can wait. Mostly, this is with my family. I get distracted by things a lot. By my never quiet brain that says, ‘Do. Do. Do.’ There’s a chorus of ‘look, mommy, look’ or for the cooler oldest, ‘hey, mom.’ I won’t have this time when they’re wanting my attention forever. While some days it does, indeed, feel like FOREVER, it’s not. It’s flying by and I’m chasing it down. So, this year, I will laugh more with them, make silly faces, dance more in the living room, play more games. Watch more shows that I don’t understand with that teenager, because I’ve been INVITED to just hang out. I’ll take that, for sure. I’ll be more aware that the magic and mystery of Life and God and Love is RIGHT NOW. Not later, but now. And I CAN say yes to this moment. And life will be better, and I will be better for it.

3.     I will EMBRACE that this is my 40^th year. Not fight it. Not bemoan it. EMBRACE it. Hot dog—I’m a real grown up now. I’ll live into this year by being comfortable in my own skin. Seeing that almost 40, and being, actually, 40 is a wonderful beautiful thing. Insecurities—you have no place in this year. Begone with you. I will look forward to that day, knowing that I am the most beautifulist, sexist version of myself. (see—no quotes—it must be true!!!)

4.     When I’m overwhelmed with life, the universe and those days where there isn’t enough coffee in the world to make it all better I will do these three things—Breathe. Pray. Listen. I’ll remember that it’s okay, whatever mess I’m in the middle of will, eventually, sort itself out. Will it be what I want? Maybe not, but I’ll deal with it when it gets here. It’s not up to me, nor am I able to fix, change, save or solve anything and everything that comes my way. And, somethings can, actually, wait until tomorrow. Breathe, pray, listen. Because God is here and I know it best when I do those things.

5.     I’ll groggily stumble out of bed each and every day, put my contacts in without losing one, brush my teeth and shower (because smelling pretty helps that beautifulist and sexy thing), drink my first cup of coffee of the day (for the benefit of all of humankind-you’re welcome world) and basically live my life. In thankfulness. In joy. In contentment. Knowing that whatever the day will bring I have a family who loves me and a God who is real and present in this messed up crazy world. And I can live into the day because I’ve got them.