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| Let's not talk about how many selfies I took to get just one... |
I ALREADY have the life I want. And, let me tell ya, it’s
the best life I could dream of—really. I ALREADY like who I am. What I want is
to REMEMBER that I actually like that woman, not frantically work to invent a
new one. So, instead of resolutions that, let’s be honest, I won’t keep anyway,
I’m going to remember a few things about myself and my life…
1. To see my beauty through the eyes of those who
love me. My daughter thinks that I’m “the beautifulist Mommy in the whole wide
world.” And she means it. She’s three and we all know that three year olds only
utter the most utmost truth. With lots of volume. She grasps my face in both of
her hands, looks me right in the eye, and with love pouring out of her
proclaims “YOU ARE THE BEAUTIFULIST MOMMY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.” I’ll take
it, and claim it as my own vision of myself. And remember that I am loved,
wholly, by my children.
And, after almost 19 years, three kids, lots
of jean sizes, great days and not-so-great days, my husband STILL likes to lean
down over my shoulder and tell me how sexy he thinks I am. Seriously. SEXY. Me.
Unbelievable. Except, it must be true because I can see he believes it, and he
wants me to know he believes it. There are lots of ways that I can make this
part hilarious, or cringe worthy, or totally inappropriate so I’ll just stop by
saying he still likes to pat my bottom when I go up the stairs. Every day of
the week. And that’s cool. Because to have a husband who still thinks I’m sexy
is worth more than anything anyone’s ever said to me.
2. Live more in the moment. Tasks can wait. Mostly,
this is with my family. I get distracted by things a lot. By my never quiet
brain that says, ‘Do. Do. Do.’ There’s a chorus of ‘look, mommy, look’ or for
the cooler oldest, ‘hey, mom.’ I won’t have this time when they’re wanting my
attention forever. While some days it does, indeed, feel like FOREVER, it’s not.
It’s flying by and I’m chasing it down. So, this year, I will laugh more with
them, make silly faces, dance more in the living room, play more games. Watch
more shows that I don’t understand with that teenager, because I’ve been
INVITED to just hang out. I’ll take that, for sure. I’ll be more aware that the
magic and mystery of Life and God and Love is RIGHT NOW. Not later, but now.
And I CAN say yes to this moment. And life will be better, and I will be better
for it.
3. I will EMBRACE that this is my 40th
year. Not fight it. Not bemoan it. EMBRACE it. Hot dog—I’m a real grown up now.
I’ll live into this year by being comfortable in my own skin. Seeing that
almost 40, and being, actually, 40 is a wonderful beautiful thing. Insecurities—you
have no place in this year. Begone with you. I will look forward to that day,
knowing that I am the most beautifulist, sexist version of myself. (see—no quotes—it
must be true!!!)
4. When I’m overwhelmed with life, the universe and
those days where there isn’t enough coffee in the world to make it all better I
will do these three things—Breathe. Pray. Listen. I’ll remember that it’s okay,
whatever mess I’m in the middle of will, eventually, sort itself out. Will it
be what I want? Maybe not, but I’ll deal with it when it gets here. It’s not up
to me, nor am I able to fix, change, save or solve anything and everything that
comes my way. And, somethings can, actually, wait until tomorrow. Breathe,
pray, listen. Because God is here and I know it best when I do those things.
5. I’ll groggily stumble out of bed each and every day,
put my contacts in without losing one, brush my teeth and shower (because
smelling pretty helps that beautifulist and sexy thing), drink my first cup of
coffee of the day (for the benefit of all of humankind-you’re welcome world)
and basically live my life. In thankfulness. In joy. In contentment. Knowing
that whatever the day will bring I have a family who loves me and a God who is real and present in this messed up crazy world. And I can live into the day
because I’ve got them.
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